wisdom

Dear Dude walking down the street with a chick, with his Beiber style hipster hair and his deep V neck undershirt casual wear:

This hipster look doesn't work when your out of shape and have Man-boobs, or Moobs. Find something that works better.

Not to mention you appear to be in your late 30's- so really, hipster probably a unwise choice, regardless.

itchy

Dear Dude in the navy track pants standing on the corner waiting for the light to change while adjusting/ scratching/ rearranging his package:

Ew

turning

Dear Dude who felt the need to change lanes OUT of the turn lane, to then turn right:

I think we need to review what a turn lane is, you D-bag.

throw

Dear 2 Dudes playing a game of catch in the street I use as a bypass on my way home:

Several things are wrong here-

1- you are 20ft away from a really major, heavily trafficked road

2- you're both in flip flops

3- you are both REALLY bad at throwing a football

4- when the throw went awry, you actually CHASED it down into traffic

5- you're both in your late 20s.

So I really need to add this all up for you?

'Cause I'm not gonna. You're on your own.

smelly

Dear Dude in the office who wears a very distinctive level of cologne:

If I know you're here despite being totally unable to visually find you anywhere in the office- you have too much cologne on; And I did that twice this morning with you.

Twice.

Meaning you walked by again and renewed the level of pungency after it had finally faded.

Please

I beg of you

Stop the olfactory madness.

free range

Dear Lady in the brand new Jaguar, who had not 1, not 2, BUT 3 chihuahuas running loose in her car, one of which was sitting directly in her lap between her and the steering wheel, looking up at her adoringly:

This is a bad idea on so many levels, I just don't even know where to start.

I know where it ends though- your dogs flying through the air every time you stop short.

Flying Chihuahuas is not where evolution wants us to go.

trends

Dear teenage Dude riding his skateboard home from school (or whatever post-school mayhem you've gotten up to ) while wearing Crocs:

You really don't know which trend to follow do you?

cleaning

Dear Dude in traffic, on a major thoroughfare, at rush hour, driving maybe 45 mph, in the middle of a pack of cars:

Now is not the time to vigorously clean the inside of your windshield.

I promise you, it can wait.