unexpected

Dear Dude with the neck and face tattoos behind me in traffic this morning:

The fact that you are driving a CRV with a stuffed Snoopy hanging from the rear view mirror is both unexpected and delightful. Thank you.

cup

Dear Dude in the Black SUV in front of my during my commute home last night:

Um, you seem to have a soda cup (with top and straw intact) under your windshield wiper arm. You might want to grab that outta there before it starts raining harder then it already is. I just don't see that window getting all that clear that way.

lanes

Dear Lady who decided to change lanes from left to right, when both lanes were at an almost complete standstill, and no where near any side roads which would be a reason to turn off from the congested main road:

You've gotten nowhere, and you just made a terrible commute worse by blocking both lanes for an extra 5 minutes. Congratulations.

rhinestones

Dear Lady in the black civic with the rhinestone license plate cover:

That is prissy as hell. Damn you for contributing to the stereotype.

wash

Dear Lady who just left the public washroom in our office building, after using the toilet, but without washing her hands:

Nasty.

histamine

Dear Dude who invented Benadryl:

Thank you for a drug that really helps when the allergies attack, but does it really need to make me feel like just staying upright and not falling asleep at my desk is an accomplishment? Cause if I'm gonna be this sleepy, I might as well stay home and..... nappppppppppp zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

crunch

Dear Dude driving around with almost all of his rear quarter panel pushing up into his trunk:

Ouch.

smile

Dear remarkably old Dude walking his circuit around the neighborhood by himself and smiling, enjoying being able to walk and the beauty of the morning (or so I decided anyway):

Thanks for reminding me to just enjoy life once in a while. I forget sometimes, and I shouldn't.

cranky

Dear Lady at mile 7 of the 1/2 marathon who was speed walking the entire thing and was yelling at the official van driving up the route "get off the road!":

Um, the van is trying to take a hurt person off the road, maybe you should just sorta relax a little and move 4 ft to the right to get outta the way. It seriously will NOT affect your time, I promise.

numbers

Dear Dude in the white 4-door compact something driving 20 MPH in a 35 MPH zone that most people drive at 40 MPH minimally, causing nearly 3 accidents in the 5 minutes I was behind or next to you on the road:

You are gonna get someone killed.

You suck.

side note

Dear Dude who has been my friend since the dawn of time, and who occasionally listens to me when I tell him things he doesn't want to hear, and always has my back, even from across the country:

Happy Birthday.

flip-flops

Dear Lady in the locker room who was explaining how her "really cute" NAME BRAND flip-flops (yes, they have overpriced name brand plastic flip flops that cost upwards of $40) were only for showering at the gym, despite being super cute, then proceeded to pull out full sized bottles of every product known to man to shower with- AT THE GYM- in a handy carrying basket:

You have a nice job, you make good money, we get it.

Regardless of that, paying more then $5 for completely plastic flip-slops makes you an idiot.

ray gun

Dear Dude who repainted his Isuzu Trooper to look like some spaceship/ray gun situation I got to see on my way home last night:

I wanted to bash you and your car, but as I spent more time driving beside you and saw the detail and everything, I kinda fell in love with it.

this was the best picture I could get given the lighting and the fact that I was actively driving at the time. but at least you can see a little bit of what they did.

rail

Dear Dude on the metro rail, second to last train on a Saturday night, who felt the need to mention to his cohort, repeatedly, that he doesn't like driving much, because he likes to drink a lot, and he keeps getting DUIs and having accidents:

Good call.

Especially since we were in Silver Lake-ish and you apparently live in Tarzana (about a 25-30 mile difference).

Seriously, good call. Now, get some help.