general note

An open letter to Dudes everywhere:

If people can smell your cologne on the elevator 2 floors after you get off- you are wearing too much of it.

If people can smell your cologne 30 seconds after you walk past them on the street, you are wearing too much of it.

If people can smell your cologne so strongly it makes them feel like they are tasting it, you are wearing too much of it.

If people can smell your cologne while standing 20 ft away from you, you are wearing too much of it.

Oh- and cologne is NOT a replacement for deodorant, EVER.

Please, take note and apply this new knowledge.

The community as a whole will like you better.

sporty

Dear Dudes in the gym:

I'm not sure if this was made clear enough but polo shirts are NOT workout gear. They are 'sporty casual' wear for when you do things like meet your girlfriends parents, or go to the company picnic. Please STOP wearing them to workout in.

It's just weird.

I mean it.

Stop.

odd couple

Dear Dude walking a Full grown Doberman AND a full grown Yorkie together:

That is one odd pairing, but I kinda love it.

make-out

Dear Couple at the corner of La Brea and Melrose mid-day yesterday, decked out in exercise gear, playing a wicked game of Sucky-Face-Grab-Ass while waiting for the light to change:

There is a level of ass grabbing that is not meant for the outside world- you crossed that line a LONG time ago. This is just getting clinical.

mohawk

Dear Dude a few rows down, who had a shaved version of a mohawk (sides shaved down lower then center line- all of it pretty short):

The thinning area of hair in the Friar Tuck center region in combination with the mohawk just makes your head look like a semi-colon.

tandem

Dear the 2 full grown adult Dudes riding the same bicycle, one on the handle bars, in the middle of a regular lane of traffic during evening rush hour in Hollywood:

I realize you guys are probably totally high or something, and that I'm about to sound like your mother, but-

This is only asking for trouble. No good can come of it.

staring

Dear Noisy Old Lady in the locker room who felt the need to stop and watch me put make-up on as I got ready to go back to work after the lunch workout today:

That's creepy.

Please stop.

And yes, readers, I wear makeup.

Kinda.

compact

Dear Dude who put his Ford Explorer into a compact spot in the parking lot this morning:

Your car is not compact. You essentially took up 2 spots.

Asshat.

suckage

Dear Dude sucking on his teeth in line behind me at the postal desk, waiting while I pay off my stuff, just sucking and picking, and sucking his damn teeth really loud for like 2 full minutes without pause:

That's disgusting, and loud, and I hate you.