jungle

Dear group of tourists waiting to start their day of checking out the Hollywood sights, while wearing safari vests and carrying back packs:

This is LA, not the jungle. You can pretty much take all you need in one bag. We have everything else available along the way. You don't need like medical supplies and stuff. The 20 pockets on your vest- not really gonna use them.

Just trying to be helpful.

discussion

Dear Dude bent down on the sidewalk in the rain, talking to his bulldog:

I'm glad I'm not the only crazy dog person out there.

pointing

Dear all of us (myself included) at the Baja Fresh, ordering by pointing to the giant sign above and behind the people at the register:

They can't see that, just use your words.

Dumb.

moments

Dear Lady who had the locker 3 over from me at the gym:

I know it's tight quarters in here, and you want to get back to work, but do you think you could ask me to move AFTER I have finished putting my leg in my pants? 'Cause mid way through and I can't help you.

sparkle

Dear Lady in Target wearing a black T-shirt with "Teagen's Mom" written on it in blue sparkles:

This shirt lets me learn more about you then just your kid's name.

blaring

Dear Dude & Lady driving around Los Angeles with a megaphone hanging out their passenger window, pronouncing how Jesus loves everyone, or something to that effect:

Do you Honestly think that someone is walking up the street thinking, "how does Jesus really feel about me?" or "I wish I knew there really was a greater power up there" and suddenly you drive by screaming like a banshee and that person's life is different? Really?

'Cause I would wager chances are slim of that happening, and you are forcing the rest of us to listen to your shrieking thru that blasted thing on our way home from work.

I would also wager, Jesus not a fan of making that many people mad all at once.

walkers

Dear anyone who has ever participated in an organized 5k event:

The organizers generally divide the starts up into 2 groups- runners & walkers- with 2 different start times. There is a reason for that- walkers ruin the pace of runners, and runners can trip into walkers. It would seem that there is some confusion as to who is a walker and who is a runner- as evidenced by the massive amounts of walkers who rushed the start line at my last event.

If you plan on walking more then 50% of the event- you are a walker, and should start in the second group.

If you plan on walking after a slight jog over the start line- you are a walker and should start in the second group.

If you could be a valid contestant for The Biggest Loser- you are a walker and should start in the second group.

You will still get to accomplish something, and cross the finish line, you are just going to make life easier on the runners by giving them some space to do their thing.

Walkers, please back up and let the runners go first.

I beg of you.

actions

Dear 2 Ladies sitting on the bench directly behind me in the locker room at the gym, discussing how actions speak louder then words, and talking about something doesn't matter as much as doing- for like 5 straight minutes:

That.

That RIGHT there.

That is why guys get frustrated.

Because you're talking about not talking so much.

That's crazy.

You're making us all look bad.

side

Dear Everyone on the road with me:

The fact that there is construction on a side road that is effectively an alley is the reason why my commute home is now 25 minutes longer? Really? Can't we just drive past it and leave it be?

I hate you all right now.

space

Dear Lady in the elevator lobby area with me this morning:

I know I look extra cute today, but seeing as how we are the only 2 people in this vast space, you don't really need to be 3 ft away from me, staring at me as we wait for the elevator. Really. You can back up some.

Oh, and while I have you, You also don't need to stand even closer to me while on the elevator. We're only going like 3 floors, it won't take long. I think you'll be ok a few steps back. If you start to die or something, I promise I will get closer. Until then though, let's give each other space to gather our thoughts as we start the day.

OK?

Ok.

Thanks.