Holiday Break

I'm taking a holiday break from bitter letters to the world.

Don't worry- I'll still write them in my head, so there will be a stock saved up when I get back from winter travels. I'm sure winter travels will provide ample material....

I wish you all a happy whatever and a safe New Year!

-seaweed

blinkers- pt 2

Dear Dude behind me and one lane over:

My blinker coming on is not my way of saying "hey, you, there's this big open space right there, you should speed up and get into it before someone else does"

My blinker is my way of saying "I plan on moving my car into the space right there in a short time frame. I wanted you to know so you don't smack into me as I make this transition"

I tell you this because it would seem you thought the first thing was true. But it's not. So don't be a douche and speed up when you see me wanting to change lanes. 'Cause someday I'm gonna stop caring about my car and just smack into you. And laugh.

handshake

Dear 3 dudes who greet each other with some sort of bizarro secret handshake that involves fist bumping as well as some sort of head move and other weird gestures:

You are grown ass men- well past the age of 21- that's just lame.

subaru

Dear Dude in the suped up Subaru in the next lane this morning:

It kinda doesn't matter how many flashy rims, spoilers, tinted windows, and low riding paraphernalia you put on your car- it is still a Subaru honey.

noise

Dear little old Lady in the locker room who burps really loud and repeatedly, groans every 3 seconds, does loud breathing/sniffling sounds, shakes out a plastic bag for a good 30 seconds straight, turn the hair dryer on and off 3 times trying to figure it out, and made sneezing sound like a sexual experience:

The poll is complete- you are officially the noisiest person in the mid- wilshire district.

Congratulations

baby?

Dear Lady in the passenger seat of the car behind me this morning, who had something bundled up in her arms, which moved, but was so covered up I couldn't see what it was:

If that was a baby- that is an incredibly unsafe way for the baby to be traveling

If that was a pet- that is an incredibly weird way for the pet to be traveling

Either way- you might want to rethink it.

FEEDBACK

Looking for some feedback on the blog-

People still reading?

what kinds of posts do you prefer- Mean, silly, silly and mean?

how often do you check in, and would that change if posting happened at a different rate?

let me know where you're at with this so i can make things better- if that is even possible

-Seaweed

drunk

Dear Drunk Dude who was staggering around, into and out of traffic, at 6:30 pm on a Tuesday night, on a poorly lit road with many fast moving cars on it:

You need help.

tune

Dear Lady to the left of me, and Dude to the right, on the ellipticals at the gym this afternoon:

Singing along to your iPod is not something we do in public, especially not to match the volume we hear thru the ear buds (LOUD) and not if our singing voices are really truly terrible. The reason we don't do this if because it is really troublesome to those around us. Because there are more people on the world, and in this room, then one.

And by "we" in the above statement, I mean YOU. Both of you. Seriously.

You're both terrible singers listening to terrible music.

Shut.

Up.

indicator

Dear Dude in the Black Benz in front of me, behind me, in front of me, this morning:

Every car come equipped with indicator lights. Some people call them blinkers. Their sole purpose in existence is to HELP you and the cars around you. You use them to show people where you intend to go, so they can expect you before you slam your car into their lane. Thus preventing accidents.

There's usually a little knob or stick you can use to turn these indicators on when appropriate- BEFORE YOU CHANGE LANES with less then 5 feet to go between you and the car in the other lane.

Take a moment, find that, pledge to use it in the future.

Douche.

lips

Dear Lady in the Lexus behind me in traffic this morning- moving traffic, mind you:

There is no Humanly possible way it takes that long to put on lipstick. It just doesn't. Trust me, I've done it a time or two in my life, and it takes like 4 seconds total. I have no idea how you made it into a sport, but it doesn't look any better on you for it.

jerky

Dear Dude in his mid- twenties, with greasy thinning hair and a really accomplished beer gut:

The stained clothes and beef jerky stick is not helping this situation at all. Not at all.

running

Dear small dog running up Beverly Blvd at night on his own:

Please don't run into the street just to get away from me, I'm trying to help you. Crazy mutt.