brakes

Dear asian Lady feeding the horrible stereotype by riding the brakes for NO reason, and slowing down an entire line of cars behind you, on a long open road:

you suck for a BUNCH of reasons.

handsy

Dear Dude using the Mulholland overlook as a public display area for rubbing his female companion's mid section with his eyes closed, while cars are trying to actually get home from work, without their eyes being scorched from landing on this display and wanting to pretend it never happened (the couple was less then attractive, and she was not pregnant, making the belly rub all the more bizarre):

STOP! I beg you, stop!

for many reasons- most importantly, that is not something you do out on the side of the road.

jiggle

Dear Skinny Bitch* in the gym who looked at my running clothes with disdain as I stepped onto the treadmill, prepped for my speed intervals: (yes the clothes include unforgiving spandex shorts- they making running with correct body position easier. Honestly)

Look, I know I have some lumpy jiggly bits, and a sizable booty - but no amount of running, eating well and being perfect would ever get rid of it all- it's how I'm built. These things do not prevent me from being able to run for long distances, or quickly. This is why your patronizing offer of "very impressive! You did great!" after my workout was not appreciated. The tone was a little TOO surprised by what I had done.

I will thank you for making me mad though. Anger is good motivation.

And At least I broke a sweat with my workout, your speed walk isn't even mussing your hair. Wuss.

*you can be skinny and not a bitch- i know quite a few of those- but this chick was definitely both.

floppy ears

Dear really muscly-big Dude walking a 3-legged Pug (whose gait was just as floppy eared and adorable as you picture) down a side road in Hollywood this morning:

You are Hero of the Day for taking good care of your special needs pup.

hand

Dear Dude blocking traffic by making a SLOW and deliberate U-turn:

Doing this while holding your hand up like a traffic cop from inside your car doesn't make it any better. You're still an ass.

elevator

Dear Dude on got on the elevator same time as me in the parking garage today, whom i have never seen before in my life, and proceeded to stand in the middle, facing me, when we were the only 2 people on there- then made a polite enough comment, which I in turn politely replied to- followed that all up with continuing to stand there, facing me (as I desperately did not make eye contact), until we arrived at his floor:

That is creepy as hell. Don't do that again.

trust

Dear Dude who thought it was a good plan to put a freestanding ATM directly outside a pot dispensary:

That is trust, man.

flashy

Dear Lady who is most likely homeless, but walking the streets with her shopping cart full of goodies in a full formal gown, sparkly coat and a full blonde flowing wig:

Life may have put you down, but you never lost your sense of flair, and I appreciate that.

purse clutch

Dear tiny Lady walking down the street clutching your purse as though there are muggers around every corner:

Those are dog walkers- you're in one of the poshest areas in the country. Relax a bit.

window

Dear grey haired Dude in the grey Acura in front of me this morning, window open, arm hanging out, with a lit joint in his hand:

I am less then thrilled with the notion of the driver in front of me being in an altered state in the first place, but could you at LEAST be subtle about it? Arm all hanging out, smoke just flying by.... Shit, man, a little decorum.

can

Dear Lady sitting on the throne in the public bathroom at work, while chatting away on the phone as other people come in and out to do their business:

That is totally disgusting.

wind

Dear Dude doing his best Jersey Shore impression in his white Civic with the windows down:

Chicks dig hair that moves.

I'm just sayin'.

u-turn

Dear Dude in the Service truck waiting to make a left towards me as I waited to go through the intersection:

It is one thing to make a fast left on red, it is another thing entirely to make a slow purposeful U-turn on red towards 2 lanes of traffic. Slow enough that one person actually made it through the intersection around you before we realized what you were doing.

You almost killed a bunch of people in your huge ass van.

Where are the traffic cops when you need them?

boots

Dear super tall Lady with the knee high pink fuzzy boots, huge afro style hair, a purse shaped like a horse, and a really barely there miniskirt on the corner of Cahuenga and Sunset last night:

You totally live in the right city, and you are awesome on every level.

green

Dear Dude who felt the need to turn left out of a gas station 35 ft after a lighted intersection, blocking 2 lanes of traffic who just got a green light, with his desire to make a nearly impossible left turn at the high point of commuter traffic:

Douchebag.

halfway

Dear Dude in the fancy SUV who drove his car straddling the white (50/50 in each lane) for a block and half before turning on his signal and committing to the lane change:

Your timing is off, and you can't drive for shit.