You are a self absorbed prick of a teenager and I hope you fall off your crap ass skateboard, sprain your ankle badly, and someone immediately kicks it, really hard.
And then someone else laughs at your pain.
And your hair is terrible.
6/29/10
kick
Dear 14/15 yr old Dude sitting in the middle seat, next to me, on the plane, who brought nothing to entertain himself, so he felt it was ok to look over my shoulder as I worked a word puzzle, or changed songs on my iPod, then (while goofing with his skateboard) kicked me directly in the ankle joint that was recently sprained and still painful, Oh, and as we Landed, pointed out the window on my other side- successfully put his pointing finger directly in my face- 3 TIMES:
6/25/10
plates
Pure Genius- well done
6/24/10
formal
On my drive in this morning I saw custom plates that read "MSSCRPT" and "MRTSHRT":
Why so formal?
6/22/10
zoot
Dear Dude in the full rig of zoot suit with shoes & Fedora hat, standing at a stoplight in Hollywood:
The iPod headphone cord running out of your jacket is kind of ruining the effect. I'm just saying.
6/17/10
ankle
Dear Dude in the elevator who responded to my sprained ankle and crutches with "it'll never be the same again, it never really heals":
You are a Douchebag.
6/9/10
swingin'
Dear whoever decided that it's not worth buying a bench swing when you can just hang the bench you already have off the tree with ropes and some elbow grease:
Genius.
6/8/10
radiator
Dear Lady driving down 6th street with the entire front end of her car missing:
Your radiator is showing.
6/3/10
bones
Dear Lady in the locker room who is so skinny I can see each vertebra in your spine, and every rib you have, and moving as slow as a sloth:
Generations of italian mothers in my lineage make me want to cook for you and force you to eat it. Like a good baked ziti with extra cheese. I don't even know how to make that, but I want to.
Seriously, if you're moving that slow, you need some food in you.
It's not normal.
6/1/10
pause
Dear Dude in the SUV stopped to let people cross the road:
it's a nice gesture, but there's no one behind you- if you just kept going, you'd accomplish the same thing, without blocking the view of the pedestrians.
I'm just sayin'.
5/28/10
jungle
Dear group of tourists waiting to start their day of checking out the Hollywood sights, while wearing safari vests and carrying back packs:
This is LA, not the jungle. You can pretty much take all you need in one bag. We have everything else available along the way. You don't need like medical supplies and stuff. The 20 pockets on your vest- not really gonna use them.
Just trying to be helpful.
5/26/10
discussion
Dear Dude bent down on the sidewalk in the rain, talking to his bulldog:
I'm glad I'm not the only crazy dog person out there.
5/25/10
pointing
Dear all of us (myself included) at the Baja Fresh, ordering by pointing to the giant sign above and behind the people at the register:
They can't see that, just use your words.
Dumb.
5/19/10
moments
Dear Lady who had the locker 3 over from me at the gym:
I know it's tight quarters in here, and you want to get back to work, but do you think you could ask me to move AFTER I have finished putting my leg in my pants? 'Cause mid way through and I can't help you.
5/18/10
sparkle
Dear Lady in Target wearing a black T-shirt with "Teagen's Mom" written on it in blue sparkles:
This shirt lets me learn more about you then just your kid's name.
5/11/10
blaring
Do you Honestly think that someone is walking up the street thinking, "how does Jesus really feel about me?" or "I wish I knew there really was a greater power up there" and suddenly you drive by screaming like a banshee and that person's life is different? Really?
'Cause I would wager chances are slim of that happening, and you are forcing the rest of us to listen to your shrieking thru that blasted thing on our way home from work.
I would also wager, Jesus not a fan of making that many people mad all at once.
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